Seriously, brain, just stop.

Forgiveness. I told myself I would write about this today, well, because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I know that there are a lot of people in my life that I need to forgive; I've burned a few bridges in my day and should forgive those people, but mostly, myself. I need to cut myself some slack and allow for it to be okay that I fuck up every once in a while. It's not like I begin each day thinking, "Who can I fuck over today and how?" Which, I would think, would be exhausting. But, on a daily basis, I really do this to myself. I have a tendency to judge myself so harshly that anything that comes out of my mouth to ANYONE is foder for me to judge. And judge in such a manner that I will most likely return home and think to myself, "you should probably not speak to people, ever." I'm charming, really. But forgiveness... that's a huge word. How do you forgive yourself for shit that seems so large and so unforgivable? I read so much about the power of positivity and the power of forgiveness and ways to go about doing both. And I practice both on a daily basis... for other people. And I teach this stuff, I guide people through the process of forgiving themselves and forgiving others. So why is it so hard to practice it in my daily life for myself? It is most important that I do it for myself, because, really, how credible am I as a therapist when I can't practice what I preach? And maybe that statement is another example of how I need to cut myself some slack and stop judging so harshly. Maybe. Whatever. My point is this, it really is okay for me (and you) to fuck up. It happens. And yes, it is okay. It's actually probably good that humans make some mistakes so we can learn from them, right? How else would we learn where our boundaries are/should be?

I've taken this entire week to return to my mom's house, fall apart, piece myself back together and forgive myself for a few things. And I feel a hell of a lot better than I did one week ago. Last week I thought I was losing my mind, literally. I thought that I wouldn't make it through another day, let alone another week. But, it seems as though time and perspective can heal. Friends and family help too. Oh yeah, and home cooking.

Jobby, job, job!

So, I finally managed to commit to a job offer! It is only a part time position, but it will allow me to go back to school full time. I won't be moving out of my mother's home any time soon, but you can't win them all. Besides, I really want to go back to Boston. But, anyway, the job starts on Monday and I'll be working early, early mornings so I could probably pick up another part time position for the holidays to bank some more money into the "Kerry needs a job in Boston" fund.

In other news, there was a hurricane. Zelda and I were super prepared.

I also decided to break out the super ugly, never wear in public, my mum bought them for me slipper socks. They're all the rage, you're jealous. I know. 

And I'm prepping for Halloween here. I was forced into making treat bags for tomorrow evening. The older my mother gets, the more she is loving small children. She bought a shit ton of candy and a bunch of games and little toys and tattoos for the bags. She is in desperate need of a grandchild (brother, I'm looking at you). 

And you better believe that I stole a popper thing to shoot at the dogs. Unemployment leads to doing stupid shit for entertainment. 

The perks of returning home

The past week has been seriously busy. I've gone to more interviews than I can really remember and I've been offered three positions, none of which I have accepted. This totals four(?) jobs that I have turned down, yet still complain about being unemployed. Go figure. First world problems.

But, I have noticed some great perks to being back in my mom's house. First, and most important, I have an endless supply of tootsie rolls (an absolute must for me) and salt and vinegar chips. I never have to grocery shop, do laundry, or make my bed. She organized all of my drawers, for christ sake! The bathroom is always clean, the dishes are always done, and I have yet to have to make a single meal for myself. I am basking in the "I'm 30 and letting my mom take care of me" glory.

Now, don't get my wrong, I can't wait to get the hell out of here, have my own space again, and drink alone with my pups, but for now, I will accept the perks I have received.

On the job front, I have three interview this week. Two of them are complete and one is tomorrow. I'm really holding out for two specific positions. One is in my hometown and the other is in a hospital psych ward. These two really interest me and would allow me to go back to school to finish my Master's (without killing myself).

So, kids, in conclusion, unemployment has some unexpected perks. Naps. Need I say more?