Cognitive dissonance

Whenever I feel as though I've made a mistake, or done something I shouldn't have done, there is always this accompanying feeling of dissonance. It's a feeling I have trouble shaking; it seems to linger in the back on my mind, no matter how hard I try to push it away or convince myself it's not a big deal. Most likely, it's not a big deal, but there is a possibility that it could turn into something of a big deal, a problem, even.

My solution? Eat candy, watch Sex & the City, and smoke cigarettes. Tomorrow will be better.

Vagueness

As it tends to go, my situation has changed once again. After a mild freak out yesterday, I have a skeleton of a plan in place to move again. The wheels have been put into motion, as they say. So, I guess now it's just time to keep things moving and figure out a way to do this. If there is one thing I am good at, it is moving at the drop of a hat. So, it's time to harness that strange skill and put it to work again. Wish me luck!

The day has come...

I turn 30 tomorrow! Holy crap! When did that happen? More on this later, I'm so tired I need to get my butt into bed (at 6pm...)

Write it out

I've been avoiding this blog like the plague. I've been in such a shitty space lately that I didn't want to poison this area with my negativity. But I started writing on 750words.com and I've dedicated that space to the mindless crap that my brain produces on a regular basis. Apparently, 750 words on a daily basis. That's a lot of crap.

Anyway, in an effort to be more social, I've decided to put my online profile back up. Back to the crazy world of online dating and seeing what comes from it. So far, nothing has come from it at all. I've been out on one date, about 10 months ago. It is fondly referred to as my Cemetery Date from Hell. So here's to more weird, awkward dates in the future.

Things I ALMOST did in the past few days

As I mentioned before, I've been in a sort of a... hole guarded by candy and dogs rut. It's not so bad, because I'm able to talk myself out of doing really stupid shit such as:

1. Sending an exboyfriend an email about how I've been thinking about him and hope he is doing well even though I know he is out of the country with his girlfriend that he probably lives with and is probably really happy and I need to find other ways to deal with being lost.

2. Calling the most recent exboyfriend to yell at him about he is the most unavailable man I've ever met and I'm just now realizing that he was unavailable and feel the need to share this knowledge because, really, I'm sure he doesn't know! But seriously, I read this article about the type of men to avoid (shut up) and it smacked me in the face! Knowledge! OMG! Don't date someone who doesn't want to share their life with you! Who knew?! Apparently, everyone in the world except me. I'm awesome.

3. Call best friend and cry. Wait, did that. Nevermind...

4. Eat only candy.

5. Said yes to a date with a male friend instead of speaking up and saying, "NO! Red flag! Don't date your friends you stupid, sorry excuse for a 29 year old!"

Good news! I only did one of those things on that list and managed to stop myself from completing the others. Although, there is a draft saved in my email and notes about the phone conversation (damnit) so I'm going to go delete the evidence that I'm a crazy person and resume trying to be a normal functioning human being.

...

I've spent the past two days doing nothing but stalking my own fantasy football profile and catching up on tv. I've watched all of season 7 of HIMYM and season 1 of Girls. I've also been prowling around on circus tumblr blogs and researching aerial silks in Pittsburgh. It's really been an eventful two days.

I really want to get back into an aerial class. It's something that I really enjoyed and it will keep me in shape. I can't seem to stick with running and yoga. Running makes me want to die and yoga is boring me lately. I need something new.

It's been a rough couple of months and I need to find something to be excited about again. I feel like I'm miles away from where I want to be and I don't have a clear path of where I'm going any longer. I have no doubt that I'll figure it out but I'm definitely starting to lose patience.

Overemployment?

So I signed on to two more jobs yesterday. A retail and a nannying position, this ought to keep me busy for awhile. I spent all of today going through an orientation and then online trainings at home. I may or may not have had a nap attack while doing one of the trainings. It was so long and my bed so comfy... But! I finished all the training for the retail position and half of the stuff for the nannying job. And after reading about child safety and drowning and car seats, I'm terrified to even look at a child, let alone care for it.

On an unrelated note, I went to Santa Land.

Things are just as weird as it seemed. Sadly, Kraynaks has really stepped up it's game since I last visited Santa Land. I remember reject toys and mannequins. Rumor has it though, there were old JC Penney mannequins present. I missed it! 

This guy drinks a lot of coffee, but does it with style. Look at that mug. 

And if you look off to the left corner of this atrocious photo, you will see a PONDEROSA! I almost crashed my car trying to take this photo. I was way too excited about the existence of this magical restaurant. 

And another

I went for an interview today for a retail position. I walked out of there thinking, "nailed it!" in a non-ironic way.

Also, heard back from another place where I interviewed last week. Maybe, if I play my cards right, I can juggle three jobs. Or maybe not. 

I'm still waiting to hear back from my school to see if I can complete my last two classes without actually being on campus. Normal schools have this new fangled option called 'Online Classes.' You may have heard of it before. My school has not. So I'm trying to convince them that I'm a responsible adult who can manage her education without having anyone directly accountable for me. That couldn't be further from the truth, but they don't need to know that. So I wrote my Dean a lovely email discussing my plans for completing the work without actually being in class and how I would email AND snail mail all of my work to her personally, should she request it. The jury is still out. 

Do Work!

I've scheduled two interviews for tomorrow! They're both part time positions and seem to be promising, so hopefully something pans out from them. I'm really enjoying my current position and would love to go to full time there, but until that happens, or in case it doesn't, I'm searching for more positions to supplement my income. This girl has bills to pay!

I finally headed into the city to see what it has to offer. I'm trying to have a better attitude about Pittsburgh, and it has somewhat pai off. I went to the Mattress Factory, brunch at the Porch, and then The Church Brew Works. All of which were cool.

Aren't my shoe covers awesome? I really thought they went with my outfit. 

I think this was my favorite. As we were walking through this old house with installations throughout, there were phrases throughout the entire building in really charming places. This one was on the side of a fire place/mantle. 

And lastly, The Church Brew Works. It was such a great space, I couldn't really get over it. The beer was pretty tasty as well. I couldn't get over the placement of the casks (?), the placement of church pews, and how the altar was still a beer lovers altar. It was great, I will definitely be back! 

 So, I'm not ready to leave Pittsburgh quite yet. I will give it a chance and try to hold my judgements. This isn't Boston and it isn't Chicago, nor will it ever be. It has its own character that I need to learn to appreciate. Maybe, someday, I will.

Amish pugs

I spent all day Sunday watching Breaking Amish. AMAZING. This show completely solidifies my idea that everyone is crazy. No one is exempt, not even the Amish. So I'm watching the reunion special as we speak. I highly recommend it. 

I also highly recommend moseying on over to Bah Humpug. Pictures of pugs, drawings of pugs, in general, life with pugs. Love it! And so true.

Jabba agrees. And how can you not believe that face? Whatever, I'm so tired. 

I survived

My first week is over and I'm into week two. It's been rough. Waking up early isn't really my thing... Any time before noon isn't my thing - too bad I'm done with work and home by noon. Craziness.

In other news, my bangs are crooked and slowly slant to my right. Because my bangs are way more important than my new job and my messed up sleep schedule, right?

Also, I'm still in second in my fantasy football league. I cannot seem to break into the number one slot. Life is tough, guys. Crooked bangs and second place. Rough. I don't know how I'll make it. 

Early bird special

With the time change, comes an entire schedule change for me. No more late, late nights and sleeping until noon. I will have to start waking up around 3 to make it to work on time. I'm really excited to be working again and, hopefully, my body will adjust to a weird schedule.

I also cut my and colored my hair. See?

Much better. And back to my natural color. No more blonde and red shit. 

Also, I can't stop listening to this. 

Don't judge. 

Jobby, job, job!

So, I finally managed to commit to a job offer! It is only a part time position, but it will allow me to go back to school full time. I won't be moving out of my mother's home any time soon, but you can't win them all. Besides, I really want to go back to Boston. But, anyway, the job starts on Monday and I'll be working early, early mornings so I could probably pick up another part time position for the holidays to bank some more money into the "Kerry needs a job in Boston" fund.

In other news, there was a hurricane. Zelda and I were super prepared.

I also decided to break out the super ugly, never wear in public, my mum bought them for me slipper socks. They're all the rage, you're jealous. I know. 

And I'm prepping for Halloween here. I was forced into making treat bags for tomorrow evening. The older my mother gets, the more she is loving small children. She bought a shit ton of candy and a bunch of games and little toys and tattoos for the bags. She is in desperate need of a grandchild (brother, I'm looking at you). 

And you better believe that I stole a popper thing to shoot at the dogs. Unemployment leads to doing stupid shit for entertainment.